Shocking News!

Early this morning reporters were called to the scene when a young couple in Martinez, California, discovered that a tumorous growth developing on the woman’s stomach was actually moving.

The man, described as a mad scientist by some neighbors, had apparently been playing music to the tumor once a day in hopes of healing his wife and simultaneously proving that cacophonous sound impedes cellular division. Unfortunately, the music seemed only to encourage the growth of the tumor and the scientist husband had recently decided that he would cut his study short after today in the interest of saving his wife. Yet, as the song that he had been playing to the tumor wound to an end, the tumor started jumping and kicking. The disturbed couple called 911, the fire department, WalMart, and the CIA. Eventually the relevant authorities were informed, and the National Office for Novel Situations involving Extraterrestrials and New Sentient Evidence (N.O.N.S.E.N.S.E.) was called in.
Apparently this “tumor” might be more “alien” in nature than originally expected. Investigations are ongoing. One clue to the nature of the strange growth was revealed yesterday by the research team. The woman has a peculiar mark on her stomach, just above the belly button, which one researcher suggested resembled a temporary tattoo.

Scientists hope that this and other pieces of evidence will lead to a better understanding of this growth in the months to come. In the mean time, the young couple will continue with their lives. Neighbors suggested that the couple lead a fairly predictable lifestyle, spending significant time in the hills near their home.
Interestingly these hills are rather gorgeous. Although no other alien growths have been reported from the area, some wonder if such a prolonged exposure to the outdoors might be the cause of this awful condition. Still others speculate that the mad scientist himself is to blame. Perhaps the lump is a result of more complex, and dangerous experiments that he has undertaken on his own wife.

Only time will tell. See the following post on this website for some of the husband’s latest graphs concerning the tumor’s growth.